Dressiness by the Sinkful

What is sexy to you? Two oiled-up negresses mud-wrestling for the right to do your laundry? Casual racism and chauvinistic antics by anonymous assholes? The smug feeling of imaginary superiority that comes with breaching social norms in the safe haven for bigots and devious milquetoasts that is the internet? Potentially. What certainly does not qualify as sexy is having to do your laundry in your bathroom sink due to a broken shared washing machine. On the plus side, adding a wooden spoon makes the greyish broth seem like some goulash-cannon born chowder to feed and disgust the troops. Up and at 'em, boys!

Sticks and Stones and Avocados

I have had to take a lot of criticism for my recent remarks on the matchmaking going on around Swiss fresh meat sections (which I am linking to here even though they can be found right beneath this post). I have been called an ingrate, a xenophobe, a right-wing ideologist, a child prostitute, a hypocrite, a cultural icon, an ingrate again, a curry-flavoured cashew nut, a whoremonger, and a pink rubber spatula.

But I stand by my words which - as far as I remember - were: A country that lags behind by two world wars should cut back on the grand air. If Austria had not gone through the meat grinder twice, we would have flying cars by now. Trust me! Switzerland, either get your war count up to the continent minimum or choke on your omnipresent avocados - the fruit of choice for Swiss professionals because its name sounds like "lawyer" en Español.

Meet Your Mate Over Meat

With meat as virtually unaffordable as it is in Switzerland, only the fact that the locals' flesh appears to be laced with anesthetics is keeping cannibalism at bay. The picture above shows Swiss people circling a Zurich supermarket's fresh meat section like vultures on a Saturday evening seconds after the prices of expiring products have been slashed by 50 percent. Interestingly, the prospect of bargain beef makes the Swiss overcome their innate fear of human contact in any form. With this in mind it is hardly surprising that the beginnings of an estimated 20 percent of Swiss relationships can be traced back to fresh meat sections at supermarkets. The remaining 80 percent have their origins on online dating platforms such as Swissfriends.ch where Swiss males can contact Swiss women without having to look at them, as in Switzerland looking at a woman is considered rape.